The PG Era Rant: Monday Night Raw, 9-9-13
By Scott Keith on September 10, 2013
When last we
left our heroes, Robert Griffin III was suffering from a knee injury he may not
have needed to have had. Meanwhile, Andy
Reid was being shown the door after 14 years.
Now, a new coach enters the Eagles’ locker room, while Washington looks
to defend their division crown with a healthier defense and…
left our heroes, Robert Griffin III was suffering from a knee injury he may not
have needed to have had. Meanwhile, Andy
Reid was being shown the door after 14 years.
Now, a new coach enters the Eagles’ locker room, while Washington looks
to defend their division crown with a healthier defense and…
…what? Oh, right.
Wrong heroes. I have to review
the ones who stand on stage and do nothing.
Rats.
Wrong heroes. I have to review
the ones who stand on stage and do nothing.
Rats.
On tonight’s
show: Randy Orton faces Goldust, while Edge appears.
show: Randy Orton faces Goldust, while Edge appears.
– The PG
Rant for Monday Night Raw, September 9, 2013.
Rant for Monday Night Raw, September 9, 2013.
– Live from
Toronto, ON.
Toronto, ON.
– Your hosts
are Michael Cole, JBL, and Jerry Lawler.
are Michael Cole, JBL, and Jerry Lawler.
– And Edge opens, as they waste no time
popping the crowd. I have to say, this
is a welcome change of pace from the last two weeks. He still looks just wrong without long hair. And it wouldn’t be an Edge intro without Tony
Chimel popping a falsetto on “Superstar”.
We’re going to open with The Cutting Edge. And even the Cutting Edge is “best for
business”. The guest will not be
Christian, but it will be Randy Orton.
But that would be boring, says Edge.
And it has nothing to do with cashing in (thank you for finally saying
that), but with his subservience to HHH.
So it won’t be Randy Orton either.
Crowd hopes for Daniel Bryan, and they get it, even overstepping Edge’s
setup line. But first, we look at Big
Show’s emasculation last week. Bryan
reminds us that HHH threatened his health last week, and yeah, he was
hurt. But he says that no matter how bad
it is, it’ll all be worth it when he wins.
The crowd is electric for Bryan and Edge. Edge puts over the “low indy past” of Bryan,
and says that they’re living childhood dreams.
Edge says he doesn’t know who will win on Sunday, but Bryan deserves a
fair shot. And now the money question:
does Bryan believe he can do it? Can you
shove all HHH’s plans in his face? Is he
the face of—oh, sorry, time to interrupt this feelgood segment as Randy Orton
comes out alone. No HHH makes me
happy. Orton goes for the cheap heat
early, and says it’s a shame that Edge’s body failed him young. Crowd gets on Orton’s case, so he responds by
holding the belt up. Edge says Orton,
the face, acts “like an entirely different body part”. “I may have problems with my spine, but at
least I have one.” BURN! Edge says HHH doesn’t know how to pick talent
because he doesn’t think Dani… aw, man, here’s HHH. We almost made it through the opening
segment. HHH allows Edge to say it
straight TO him. And since Edge isn’t a
WWE employee, he can say what he wants.
HHH was apparently against Edge, Jericho, Cena, and Bryan, and that HHH
can’t see past the nose on his face.
Well, heck, who CAN? HHH plugs
Haven on Syfy for Edge. Because it’s
good for business. HHH admits he was wrong
on Jericho and Cena, and it’s too soon on Bryan, but he was 100% dead on about
Edge. He says Rated R was a failure
because he never drew a dime. Pot,
kettle, black. But all anyone has to do
is prove him wrong, and that’s what our main event is for tonight: Bryan v.
Ambrose. But to counteract Rollins and
Reigns, Big Show will be in Bryan’s corner.
HHH: “It would be so much easier if everyone would just learn to get
along with me.” I love shoot comments
that aren’t meant to be shoot comments.
Hey, Toronto, that chant isn’t PG.
Edge drops the marriage card. HHH
cuts off another non-PG comment. HHH
says it’s okay for Edge to say it because he’s too crippled to fight, so
instead, he had Shield beat Christian up backstage. HHH is slowly learning how to be the mafia
don and allow Orton and Shield to be muscle.
Also a good way to write off Christian.
Crowd was red hot for this segment, but it was a lot more of the same:
HHH says stuff, Bryan says stuff, Bryan’s put in a trap match.
popping the crowd. I have to say, this
is a welcome change of pace from the last two weeks. He still looks just wrong without long hair. And it wouldn’t be an Edge intro without Tony
Chimel popping a falsetto on “Superstar”.
We’re going to open with The Cutting Edge. And even the Cutting Edge is “best for
business”. The guest will not be
Christian, but it will be Randy Orton.
But that would be boring, says Edge.
And it has nothing to do with cashing in (thank you for finally saying
that), but with his subservience to HHH.
So it won’t be Randy Orton either.
Crowd hopes for Daniel Bryan, and they get it, even overstepping Edge’s
setup line. But first, we look at Big
Show’s emasculation last week. Bryan
reminds us that HHH threatened his health last week, and yeah, he was
hurt. But he says that no matter how bad
it is, it’ll all be worth it when he wins.
The crowd is electric for Bryan and Edge. Edge puts over the “low indy past” of Bryan,
and says that they’re living childhood dreams.
Edge says he doesn’t know who will win on Sunday, but Bryan deserves a
fair shot. And now the money question:
does Bryan believe he can do it? Can you
shove all HHH’s plans in his face? Is he
the face of—oh, sorry, time to interrupt this feelgood segment as Randy Orton
comes out alone. No HHH makes me
happy. Orton goes for the cheap heat
early, and says it’s a shame that Edge’s body failed him young. Crowd gets on Orton’s case, so he responds by
holding the belt up. Edge says Orton,
the face, acts “like an entirely different body part”. “I may have problems with my spine, but at
least I have one.” BURN! Edge says HHH doesn’t know how to pick talent
because he doesn’t think Dani… aw, man, here’s HHH. We almost made it through the opening
segment. HHH allows Edge to say it
straight TO him. And since Edge isn’t a
WWE employee, he can say what he wants.
HHH was apparently against Edge, Jericho, Cena, and Bryan, and that HHH
can’t see past the nose on his face.
Well, heck, who CAN? HHH plugs
Haven on Syfy for Edge. Because it’s
good for business. HHH admits he was wrong
on Jericho and Cena, and it’s too soon on Bryan, but he was 100% dead on about
Edge. He says Rated R was a failure
because he never drew a dime. Pot,
kettle, black. But all anyone has to do
is prove him wrong, and that’s what our main event is for tonight: Bryan v.
Ambrose. But to counteract Rollins and
Reigns, Big Show will be in Bryan’s corner.
HHH: “It would be so much easier if everyone would just learn to get
along with me.” I love shoot comments
that aren’t meant to be shoot comments.
Hey, Toronto, that chant isn’t PG.
Edge drops the marriage card. HHH
cuts off another non-PG comment. HHH
says it’s okay for Edge to say it because he’s too crippled to fight, so
instead, he had Shield beat Christian up backstage. HHH is slowly learning how to be the mafia
don and allow Orton and Shield to be muscle.
Also a good way to write off Christian.
Crowd was red hot for this segment, but it was a lot more of the same:
HHH says stuff, Bryan says stuff, Bryan’s put in a trap match.
– Backstage,
Edge storms into HHH’s office and says he wants a piece of HHH. HHH asks who Edge is to try to take over HIS
SHOW. Toronto is apparently HHH’s
town. Ambrose’s smirk is great in the
background. HHH ejects Edge from the
show.
Edge storms into HHH’s office and says he wants a piece of HHH. HHH asks who Edge is to try to take over HIS
SHOW. Toronto is apparently HHH’s
town. Ambrose’s smirk is great in the
background. HHH ejects Edge from the
show.
– Kofi
Kingston v. Curtis Axel. This is a
rematch from SmackDown, but apparently still non-title. Axel works the back to start, dropping the
big elbows. Dropkick follows, getting
one. Axel chokes Kingston against the
ropes. Kofi leaps out the back of a back
suplex and begins the comeback. Flying
forearm misses, but a blind charge by Axel eats boot. SOS connects, but Axel’s in the ropes. Heyman is trying to grow a beard. Axel suckers Kingston into a boot to the
head. Mudhole stomping in the corner as
the fans chant “Walrus”. Axel with a
series of knees to the back, and he won’t stop so the ref DQs him at 2:12. LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAME. 1/2*
Yeah, I know, if Axel does that Sunday then Punk gets Heyman. And I’ll give them credit: the fans get
it. Heyman berates Axel to keep his
temper. But it’s not Sunday, so Axel isn’t
done. This allows Kingston to hit
Trouble in Paradise on Axel. At this
point, Axel basically HAS to win over Punk, or he’s a dead man walking.
Kingston v. Curtis Axel. This is a
rematch from SmackDown, but apparently still non-title. Axel works the back to start, dropping the
big elbows. Dropkick follows, getting
one. Axel chokes Kingston against the
ropes. Kofi leaps out the back of a back
suplex and begins the comeback. Flying
forearm misses, but a blind charge by Axel eats boot. SOS connects, but Axel’s in the ropes. Heyman is trying to grow a beard. Axel suckers Kingston into a boot to the
head. Mudhole stomping in the corner as
the fans chant “Walrus”. Axel with a
series of knees to the back, and he won’t stop so the ref DQs him at 2:12. LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAME. 1/2*
Yeah, I know, if Axel does that Sunday then Punk gets Heyman. And I’ll give them credit: the fans get
it. Heyman berates Axel to keep his
temper. But it’s not Sunday, so Axel isn’t
done. This allows Kingston to hit
Trouble in Paradise on Axel. At this
point, Axel basically HAS to win over Punk, or he’s a dead man walking.
– Ooh, a
career retrospective on Goldust. I mark
for Goldust. Deal with it. Dustin Rhodes for Hall of Fame.
career retrospective on Goldust. I mark
for Goldust. Deal with it. Dustin Rhodes for Hall of Fame.
– Backstage,
Heyman slips on a wet spot and is injured.
Or so we’re supposed to believe.
Heyman refuses WWE doctors and says he has his own. This is so transparent. I love it.
Heyman slips on a wet spot and is injured.
Or so we’re supposed to believe.
Heyman refuses WWE doctors and says he has his own. This is so transparent. I love it.
– We look
back at Big Show being emasculated again.
I still say Bryan should have been in position to win. This takes us backstage as Booker T wants to
talk to Big Show. He tells Show not to
be a hero, and just to think about his family.
Did Booker T turn heel and I wasn’t told? He says those feelings of heroism are
pride. Just be professional.
back at Big Show being emasculated again.
I still say Bryan should have been in position to win. This takes us backstage as Booker T wants to
talk to Big Show. He tells Show not to
be a hero, and just to think about his family.
Did Booker T turn heel and I wasn’t told? He says those feelings of heroism are
pride. Just be professional.
– And in
perfect cutting, we go to the Wyatt Family, and the first quote is: “They been
lying to you, man. There is no such
thing as a hero!”
perfect cutting, we go to the Wyatt Family, and the first quote is: “They been
lying to you, man. There is no such
thing as a hero!”
– Dolph
Ziggler v. Bray Wyatt. Wyatt with the
first shot, knocking down Ziggler and tossing him into a slam. He does the inverted corner taunt, but runs
into a dropkick. Rowan is disposed of,
but Wyatt steamrolls Ziggler. “Is this
not what you asked for?” And with that,
we go to commercial, so I guess the answer is: not really. We come back with Ziggler elbowing out of the
chinlock, only to get yanked down. Wyatt
with a falling headbutt into a chinlock, which Ziggler jawbreaks out of. Avalanche by Wyatt misses, and Ziggler with a
Stinger Splash and ten-punch countalong into a neckbreaker. Showoff elbow gets 0.9. Famouser gets two. Ziggler dodges the disciples, but Wyatt gets
the avalanche in the corner. Sister
Abigail ends it at 6:35. Was the
mid-match commercial break necessary? *1/4 Just to point out, we’ve
had nine minutes or so of wrestling in the first hour opposite MNF’s season
debut, and a good three and a half of it was in the commercial break.
Ziggler v. Bray Wyatt. Wyatt with the
first shot, knocking down Ziggler and tossing him into a slam. He does the inverted corner taunt, but runs
into a dropkick. Rowan is disposed of,
but Wyatt steamrolls Ziggler. “Is this
not what you asked for?” And with that,
we go to commercial, so I guess the answer is: not really. We come back with Ziggler elbowing out of the
chinlock, only to get yanked down. Wyatt
with a falling headbutt into a chinlock, which Ziggler jawbreaks out of. Avalanche by Wyatt misses, and Ziggler with a
Stinger Splash and ten-punch countalong into a neckbreaker. Showoff elbow gets 0.9. Famouser gets two. Ziggler dodges the disciples, but Wyatt gets
the avalanche in the corner. Sister
Abigail ends it at 6:35. Was the
mid-match commercial break necessary? *1/4 Just to point out, we’ve
had nine minutes or so of wrestling in the first hour opposite MNF’s season
debut, and a good three and a half of it was in the commercial break.
– For the
record, the Eagles are up big on the Redskins, so maybe RAW is going to get
lucky.
record, the Eagles are up big on the Redskins, so maybe RAW is going to get
lucky.
– Hey, Tommy
gets to review another Edge appearance, on SmackDown. Why would HHH have him on after tonight?
gets to review another Edge appearance, on SmackDown. Why would HHH have him on after tonight?
– More
Goldust. I’m happy.
Goldust. I’m happy.
– Meanwhile,
Heyman is out on crutches. First hint:
he’s inconsistent with the leg. Second
hint: it’s wrestling. Crowd smells a
rat. What’s health clare? Heyman’s personal doctor is with him. Crowd appears to be chanting “We don’t care”. Heyman says he blew his knee out, so he’s out
of Night of Champions. Would he lie to
you? And he really wanted to be there,
too! The insincerity is wonderful. So Heyman must leave Canada and head to New
York. But wait, here comes Brad Maddox
in the Jack Tunney role, and he has a WWE doctor with him. Lawler and JBL put over the doctor as the one
who helped Lawler during his heart attack.
Maddox makes it clear: Heyman’s not out of the match unless the WWE
doctor says so. So did this doctor
diagnose Shawn Michaels’ smilectomy back in the day? I wish I’d been there. Crowd chants “This Is Awkward”. Seriously, why can’t this be done during the
commercial? The doctor calls Heyman’s
bluff. And now, CM Punk interrupts
Heyman’s tirade with some Kendo Stick Therapy, and Heyman very spryly runs
away. Lawler: “It’s a miracle!” I bet Jerry booked this segment. Punk takes it out on Doctor Whatshisname. Crowd: “KILL THE DOCTOR!” And he does.
Entertaining crap.
Heyman is out on crutches. First hint:
he’s inconsistent with the leg. Second
hint: it’s wrestling. Crowd smells a
rat. What’s health clare? Heyman’s personal doctor is with him. Crowd appears to be chanting “We don’t care”. Heyman says he blew his knee out, so he’s out
of Night of Champions. Would he lie to
you? And he really wanted to be there,
too! The insincerity is wonderful. So Heyman must leave Canada and head to New
York. But wait, here comes Brad Maddox
in the Jack Tunney role, and he has a WWE doctor with him. Lawler and JBL put over the doctor as the one
who helped Lawler during his heart attack.
Maddox makes it clear: Heyman’s not out of the match unless the WWE
doctor says so. So did this doctor
diagnose Shawn Michaels’ smilectomy back in the day? I wish I’d been there. Crowd chants “This Is Awkward”. Seriously, why can’t this be done during the
commercial? The doctor calls Heyman’s
bluff. And now, CM Punk interrupts
Heyman’s tirade with some Kendo Stick Therapy, and Heyman very spryly runs
away. Lawler: “It’s a miracle!” I bet Jerry booked this segment. Punk takes it out on Doctor Whatshisname. Crowd: “KILL THE DOCTOR!” And he does.
Entertaining crap.
– You know,
a random thought so I’m not bored during commercial: is it just me, or does it
seem like the focus of Bryan/Ambrose is on Big Show and not Bryan?
a random thought so I’m not bored during commercial: is it just me, or does it
seem like the focus of Bryan/Ambrose is on Big Show and not Bryan?
– Layla,
Aksana, and Alicia Fox v. Naomi, Brie Bella, and Natalya. AJ Lee on commentary. Aksana and Naomi start, and Naomi gets an
atomic drop and butt-butt for two. Naomi
cuts off a charge and goes up, but Aksana cuts her off and pounds away. Layla with a hangman’s choke on Naomi,
followed by a dropkick for two. AJ rants
on commentary to overshadow the match.
Layla works the leg and cuts off a tag, but the legdrop misses. Hot tag Natalya (Brie pulled her hand away in
a nice touch), and Natalya cleans house on Fox and company. Blind charge misses, and a slam gets
one. Aksana is dumped, but Natalya gets
a discus clothesline and Sharpshooter on Fox for the tapout at 2:52. I’ll live with it. 1/2*
I’m not sure why I reviewed that match when I’m supposed to care about
AJ and Total Divas, but eh, such is my commitment to my craft.
Aksana, and Alicia Fox v. Naomi, Brie Bella, and Natalya. AJ Lee on commentary. Aksana and Naomi start, and Naomi gets an
atomic drop and butt-butt for two. Naomi
cuts off a charge and goes up, but Aksana cuts her off and pounds away. Layla with a hangman’s choke on Naomi,
followed by a dropkick for two. AJ rants
on commentary to overshadow the match.
Layla works the leg and cuts off a tag, but the legdrop misses. Hot tag Natalya (Brie pulled her hand away in
a nice touch), and Natalya cleans house on Fox and company. Blind charge misses, and a slam gets
one. Aksana is dumped, but Natalya gets
a discus clothesline and Sharpshooter on Fox for the tapout at 2:52. I’ll live with it. 1/2*
I’m not sure why I reviewed that match when I’m supposed to care about
AJ and Total Divas, but eh, such is my commitment to my craft.
– R-Truth v.
Alberto Del Rio. Even champions need
someone to squash. Syndicam interview
with RVD during intros. A struggle
during a lockup, but ADR controls with a shoulderblock. He taunts too much, and Truth slaps ADR and
works over him in the corner. ADR kicks
away and works over Truth in the corner as the crowd chants for JBL for no
reason. Truth blocks a backdrop and
clotheslines ADR out (on the second try), following with a plancha. Back in, crowd chants for Jerry. ADR with the run-up enzuigiri. And there’s the Cole chant for the trifecta
as ADR pounds on Truth on the outside.
Back in, he gets one and goes to the chinlock as the fans are distracted
by something. Truth fights out of it and
gets a sunset flip for two. ADR races in
with a lariat and mushroom stomp on Truth’s back. It gets one, and we go back to the chinlock
as the crowd finally decides to focus on the match and chant for RVD to
interrupt it. ADR runs into a leg
lariat, and the comeback begins. Front
suplex gets two. And now the crowd wants
Undertaker. Please, crowd: shut up. You’re embarrassing yourself. Axe Kick is missed, and ADR slams Truth. Running superkick leads to the armbreaker for
the tapout at 4:49. Crowd didn’t care,
and there was no drama in the match so it’s hard to blame them. *
Alberto Del Rio. Even champions need
someone to squash. Syndicam interview
with RVD during intros. A struggle
during a lockup, but ADR controls with a shoulderblock. He taunts too much, and Truth slaps ADR and
works over him in the corner. ADR kicks
away and works over Truth in the corner as the crowd chants for JBL for no
reason. Truth blocks a backdrop and
clotheslines ADR out (on the second try), following with a plancha. Back in, crowd chants for Jerry. ADR with the run-up enzuigiri. And there’s the Cole chant for the trifecta
as ADR pounds on Truth on the outside.
Back in, he gets one and goes to the chinlock as the fans are distracted
by something. Truth fights out of it and
gets a sunset flip for two. ADR races in
with a lariat and mushroom stomp on Truth’s back. It gets one, and we go back to the chinlock
as the crowd finally decides to focus on the match and chant for RVD to
interrupt it. ADR runs into a leg
lariat, and the comeback begins. Front
suplex gets two. And now the crowd wants
Undertaker. Please, crowd: shut up. You’re embarrassing yourself. Axe Kick is missed, and ADR slams Truth. Running superkick leads to the armbreaker for
the tapout at 4:49. Crowd didn’t care,
and there was no drama in the match so it’s hard to blame them. *
– Usos, Real
Amercians, 3MB, Tons of Funk, and Prime Time Players will face off in a
gauntlet match to see who faces the Shield.
That’s your kickoff match.
Nothing wrong with that.
Amercians, 3MB, Tons of Funk, and Prime Time Players will face off in a
gauntlet match to see who faces the Shield.
That’s your kickoff match.
Nothing wrong with that.
– Antonio
Cesaro v. Santino Marella. Zeb Colter
chews out Canada for being a bad ally.
Please mention how they housed deserters during Vietnam, since that
would be in Colter’s character to hate Canada over. But no, he doesn’t. Boo.
But hey, Santino’s back! Don’t
tell anyone he’s Canadian, because he’s Italian. Cesaro gets no entrance. SPEED WALKERRRRRRRRR! Sorry, obscure reference. Cesaro races in with a dropkick. He pounds on Santino and gets a Karelin
suplex. Santino tries to fight out of
it, eventually weakening Cesaro and getting a roundhouse, but Cesaro trips him
and gets a VERY LONG giant swing. Crowd
pops for this spot. Seriously, he’s
getting something like 30 or 40 spins.
Santino is too dizzy to stand, so Cesaro pounds away. Santino ducks a clothesline and begins his
comeback with the salute headbutt, but Cesaro kicks the Cobra (really) and gets
a European Uppercut for two. Cobra is
disposed of, and a belly-to-belly slam gets two. Charging uppercut in the corner gets
two. Santino shakes out the cobwebs
(probably from the giant swing) and catches Cesaro taunting, and a judo throw
into a cradle wins it at 3:43. The giant
swing alone is worth a full star. **1/4 Sue me, I loved it.
Cesaro v. Santino Marella. Zeb Colter
chews out Canada for being a bad ally.
Please mention how they housed deserters during Vietnam, since that
would be in Colter’s character to hate Canada over. But no, he doesn’t. Boo.
But hey, Santino’s back! Don’t
tell anyone he’s Canadian, because he’s Italian. Cesaro gets no entrance. SPEED WALKERRRRRRRRR! Sorry, obscure reference. Cesaro races in with a dropkick. He pounds on Santino and gets a Karelin
suplex. Santino tries to fight out of
it, eventually weakening Cesaro and getting a roundhouse, but Cesaro trips him
and gets a VERY LONG giant swing. Crowd
pops for this spot. Seriously, he’s
getting something like 30 or 40 spins.
Santino is too dizzy to stand, so Cesaro pounds away. Santino ducks a clothesline and begins his
comeback with the salute headbutt, but Cesaro kicks the Cobra (really) and gets
a European Uppercut for two. Cobra is
disposed of, and a belly-to-belly slam gets two. Charging uppercut in the corner gets
two. Santino shakes out the cobwebs
(probably from the giant swing) and catches Cesaro taunting, and a judo throw
into a cradle wins it at 3:43. The giant
swing alone is worth a full star. **1/4 Sue me, I loved it.
– Damien
Sandow v. The Miz. Some feeling out to
start, but Sandow with elbows to control only to get run over. Crowd’s on Sandow’s side. Miz with a suplex and he just shrugs off the
heel heat. Sandow works Miz in the
corner, but Miz reverses with the through-the-ropes clothesline. Axhandle off the top gets two. Knees to the back by Miz as he’s got no issue
working heel, but Sandow trips Miz into the ropes and delivers crossface blows
and a hip to the neck for two. Sandow
stomps away and drops the knee for one as this match is a bit incoherent. More knees leads to the Russian legsweep and
Cubito Aequet for two. Guys, just let
Miz work the heel role here. Chinlockery
abounds as the crowd chants for Jericho.
Miz armdrags out and stops a blind charge. Clothesline and kneelift into a big boot
follows to the crowd’s contempt.
Hamstring kick by Miz. And now
Fandango appears to distract Miz, allowing Sandow to roll him up for the pin at
3:45. Crowd is too busy dancing to
care. I’ve given up trying to explain
the Toronto crowd. Yeesh. 3/4*
Sandow v. The Miz. Some feeling out to
start, but Sandow with elbows to control only to get run over. Crowd’s on Sandow’s side. Miz with a suplex and he just shrugs off the
heel heat. Sandow works Miz in the
corner, but Miz reverses with the through-the-ropes clothesline. Axhandle off the top gets two. Knees to the back by Miz as he’s got no issue
working heel, but Sandow trips Miz into the ropes and delivers crossface blows
and a hip to the neck for two. Sandow
stomps away and drops the knee for one as this match is a bit incoherent. More knees leads to the Russian legsweep and
Cubito Aequet for two. Guys, just let
Miz work the heel role here. Chinlockery
abounds as the crowd chants for Jericho.
Miz armdrags out and stops a blind charge. Clothesline and kneelift into a big boot
follows to the crowd’s contempt.
Hamstring kick by Miz. And now
Fandango appears to distract Miz, allowing Sandow to roll him up for the pin at
3:45. Crowd is too busy dancing to
care. I’ve given up trying to explain
the Toronto crowd. Yeesh. 3/4*
– Meanwhile,
Goldust is backstage to a HUGE pop. He
talks about how he’s the family’s black sheep and Cody is the good guy. He’s not happy about HHH firing Cody and
embarrassing the Rhodes name. Tonight, Cody gets his second chance that Dustin
(well, it’s essentially Dustin) kept getting and not deserving. But just at the end, HHH interrupts. Rhodes: “I was doing better til you just
showed up.” You and me both. HHH tries to get into Dustin’s head by
playing up how much pressure is on Dustin.
Well, he IS the Cerebral Assassin.
HHH tells Dustin not to let the family down, and since Goldust was just
talking about how he let people down, that’s heavy. Credit where credit is due: that is some
GREAT HHH dickishness right there.
Goldust is backstage to a HUGE pop. He
talks about how he’s the family’s black sheep and Cody is the good guy. He’s not happy about HHH firing Cody and
embarrassing the Rhodes name. Tonight, Cody gets his second chance that Dustin
(well, it’s essentially Dustin) kept getting and not deserving. But just at the end, HHH interrupts. Rhodes: “I was doing better til you just
showed up.” You and me both. HHH tries to get into Dustin’s head by
playing up how much pressure is on Dustin.
Well, he IS the Cerebral Assassin.
HHH tells Dustin not to let the family down, and since Goldust was just
talking about how he let people down, that’s heavy. Credit where credit is due: that is some
GREAT HHH dickishness right there.
– I just
noticed about the Night of Champions promo shots: each champion is holding the
belt in his hands and looking at it. No,
that’s not the part I just noticed, this is: Daniel Bryan is shown glaring at
the camera, and his arms are positioned in the same way as the champs while he’s
holding air. That’s neat
characterization.
noticed about the Night of Champions promo shots: each champion is holding the
belt in his hands and looking at it. No,
that’s not the part I just noticed, this is: Daniel Bryan is shown glaring at
the camera, and his arms are positioned in the same way as the champs while he’s
holding air. That’s neat
characterization.
– Randy
Orton v. Goldust. I will overrate this
match in all likelihood, just a warning beforehand. You know, Goldust/Piper should’ve been in the
30 Years of WrestleMania segment of WWE 2K14.
This is being portrayed as a McMahon/Rhodes family feud dating back to
before I was born – and I’m not young.
Goldust storms Orton and fires off, but Orton cuts off the attack only
for Goldust to keep it up. Crowd meets
every shot Goldust does with a YES. Goldust
stops a bling charge, pounds away, and whips him pillar to post. Orton with a European Uppercut to stop
it. Back elbow by Goldust and Orton bails
as the crowd is INTO this. Crowd: “YOU
STILL GOT IT!” Damn straight. Orton teases a countout before
returning. Orton teases a test of
strength and kicks Goldust hard, with a European uppercut for two. Orton chokes Goldust in the ropes, then whips
him in, only to miss a dropkick and get cradled for two. Goldust with a HUGE chop in the two different
corners, but Orton with the thumb to the eye to stop momentum. Orton with ten punches in the corner as
Goldust slumps, and a very deliberate knee to the throat. Orton stomps on Goldust’s hands, but Orton
whiffs on a powerslam and Goldust cradles for two. Orton is stuck in the corner and bails before
Shattered Dreams can happen, allowing us to go to break. We return with Orton in control, but Goldust
fights out only to get uppercut. Blind
charge hits the boots and sends Orton bailing, and this time Goldust follows
and sends Orton into the steps. Goldust
rakes the back, which might’ve hurt more if he didn’t have gloves on. Orton drapes Goldust on the top rope and
whips him into the steel post from the apron.
They tease a countout, but Orton exits to break it up and back suplexes
Goldust on the barricade. Goldust eats
steps on the outside, and it gets two.
Orton with the Garvin Stomp on Goldust, getting two. Back to the chinlock. The crowd rallies behind Goldust, which is a
great sign. Goldust punches out of it
only to get nailed with a knee to the gut.
But it’s a bulldog out of nowhere by Goldust to cause a double KO. Goldust with clotheslines, but Orton puts his
head down and gets the kneeling punch.
Now the crowd counts along with the ten punches. They tease a ref bump, allowing Goldust a
cradle for two. Orton is able to recover
with a draping DDT. Orton does the YES
chant to rile up the crowd in a brilliant bit before going into RKO Mode, but
Goldust ALSO catches him in Cross Rhodes for two. Same spot as last week, and it’s JUST as effective
in firing up the crowd. Now ORTON
cradles Goldust for two before getting the RKO to win at 14:48. Great old-school match. ***1/2
And to respond to people in the thread, according to NBA Jam, he IS on
fire. Orton taunts Goldust post-match
and ties it into winning on Sunday. If
you don’t love Orton’s work, why the hell not?
Orton v. Goldust. I will overrate this
match in all likelihood, just a warning beforehand. You know, Goldust/Piper should’ve been in the
30 Years of WrestleMania segment of WWE 2K14.
This is being portrayed as a McMahon/Rhodes family feud dating back to
before I was born – and I’m not young.
Goldust storms Orton and fires off, but Orton cuts off the attack only
for Goldust to keep it up. Crowd meets
every shot Goldust does with a YES. Goldust
stops a bling charge, pounds away, and whips him pillar to post. Orton with a European Uppercut to stop
it. Back elbow by Goldust and Orton bails
as the crowd is INTO this. Crowd: “YOU
STILL GOT IT!” Damn straight. Orton teases a countout before
returning. Orton teases a test of
strength and kicks Goldust hard, with a European uppercut for two. Orton chokes Goldust in the ropes, then whips
him in, only to miss a dropkick and get cradled for two. Goldust with a HUGE chop in the two different
corners, but Orton with the thumb to the eye to stop momentum. Orton with ten punches in the corner as
Goldust slumps, and a very deliberate knee to the throat. Orton stomps on Goldust’s hands, but Orton
whiffs on a powerslam and Goldust cradles for two. Orton is stuck in the corner and bails before
Shattered Dreams can happen, allowing us to go to break. We return with Orton in control, but Goldust
fights out only to get uppercut. Blind
charge hits the boots and sends Orton bailing, and this time Goldust follows
and sends Orton into the steps. Goldust
rakes the back, which might’ve hurt more if he didn’t have gloves on. Orton drapes Goldust on the top rope and
whips him into the steel post from the apron.
They tease a countout, but Orton exits to break it up and back suplexes
Goldust on the barricade. Goldust eats
steps on the outside, and it gets two.
Orton with the Garvin Stomp on Goldust, getting two. Back to the chinlock. The crowd rallies behind Goldust, which is a
great sign. Goldust punches out of it
only to get nailed with a knee to the gut.
But it’s a bulldog out of nowhere by Goldust to cause a double KO. Goldust with clotheslines, but Orton puts his
head down and gets the kneeling punch.
Now the crowd counts along with the ten punches. They tease a ref bump, allowing Goldust a
cradle for two. Orton is able to recover
with a draping DDT. Orton does the YES
chant to rile up the crowd in a brilliant bit before going into RKO Mode, but
Goldust ALSO catches him in Cross Rhodes for two. Same spot as last week, and it’s JUST as effective
in firing up the crowd. Now ORTON
cradles Goldust for two before getting the RKO to win at 14:48. Great old-school match. ***1/2
And to respond to people in the thread, according to NBA Jam, he IS on
fire. Orton taunts Goldust post-match
and ties it into winning on Sunday. If
you don’t love Orton’s work, why the hell not?
– Los
Matadores. Eventually, they will
wrestle.
Matadores. Eventually, they will
wrestle.
– Backstage,
Goldust is inconsolable. Stephanie rubs
it in, dropping the nice girl act, then fires him. Cody’s comeback is going to pop the crowd
huge, but how does it happen? Even JBL,
the toady he is, can’t condone what just happened.
Goldust is inconsolable. Stephanie rubs
it in, dropping the nice girl act, then fires him. Cody’s comeback is going to pop the crowd
huge, but how does it happen? Even JBL,
the toady he is, can’t condone what just happened.
– Sidebar:
Raw has my permission to have a main event consist of Dusty Rhodes destroying
Mr. McMahon. Make it happen.
Raw has my permission to have a main event consist of Dusty Rhodes destroying
Mr. McMahon. Make it happen.
– Rob Van
Dam v. Ryback. Huh… RVD is doing the
same “empty belt hands” pose.
Interesting. Alberto Del Rio’s
back out to taunt RVD and Ricardo. RVD
kicks away to start, and gets a dropkick as the crowd chants Goldberg. Rolling monkey flip goes nowhere, and Ryback
with a huge elbow and pounds away.
Ryback goes CLUBBERIN, THEY BE CLUBBERIN TONY and does an overhead
suplex. He slams RVD’s head on the mat
and does an abdominal stretch. RVD
fights out and blocks with feet, and after a series of reversals, RVD gets the
stepover enzuigiri and Rolling Thunder for one.
Running wheel kick by RVD and he goes up with a flying cannonball senton
for two. Back up top, and a flying kick
floors Ryback. Five-star looks to
finish, but Ryback rolls out and suckers RVD into the barricade off the
top. Ouch. Ryback sends RVD crotch-first into the post,
and the match falls apart at 2:59, presumably by DQ. Ryback adds Shell Shock for the hell of
it. Man, I have SO much confidence in
RVD now on Sunday. *1/4 By the way, because I like Ryback’s bully
character, I have to add: Ryback was saying “Stupid” to RVD at random points in
the match.
Dam v. Ryback. Huh… RVD is doing the
same “empty belt hands” pose.
Interesting. Alberto Del Rio’s
back out to taunt RVD and Ricardo. RVD
kicks away to start, and gets a dropkick as the crowd chants Goldberg. Rolling monkey flip goes nowhere, and Ryback
with a huge elbow and pounds away.
Ryback goes CLUBBERIN, THEY BE CLUBBERIN TONY and does an overhead
suplex. He slams RVD’s head on the mat
and does an abdominal stretch. RVD
fights out and blocks with feet, and after a series of reversals, RVD gets the
stepover enzuigiri and Rolling Thunder for one.
Running wheel kick by RVD and he goes up with a flying cannonball senton
for two. Back up top, and a flying kick
floors Ryback. Five-star looks to
finish, but Ryback rolls out and suckers RVD into the barricade off the
top. Ouch. Ryback sends RVD crotch-first into the post,
and the match falls apart at 2:59, presumably by DQ. Ryback adds Shell Shock for the hell of
it. Man, I have SO much confidence in
RVD now on Sunday. *1/4 By the way, because I like Ryback’s bully
character, I have to add: Ryback was saying “Stupid” to RVD at random points in
the match.
– Stephanie
finds Big Show and tells him not to touch the Shield or he’s fired.
finds Big Show and tells him not to touch the Shield or he’s fired.
– Main
event: Dean Ambrose v. Daniel Bryan. As
noted earlier, Rollins and Reigns are in Ambrose’s corner, and Big Show will be
in Bryan’s corner but can’t interfere. Ironclad
contracts aren’t worth the paper they’re printed on, are they? Bryan pounds away on Ambrose to start, but
Ambrose reverses and rubs a forearm in his face. Ambrose works on Bryan in the corner, but
Bryan reverses with kicks, causing Ambrose to bail as we focus on Big Show at
ringside. Shield huddles up and
surrounds Bryan, but a distraction fails and Bryan with a knee to the gut. Bryan with a snapmare and kick to the back,
twice over, and a kneedrop gets one.
Ambrose runs over Bryan, but gets caught with a drop toehold. Bryan stomps the arm and elbow, working the
arm into a chickenwing. Gorilla Monsoon
would say he’s working the sub-scapular area.
Now Bryan works both arms into a bizarre pinning predicament for
one. Bryan goes to a bow-and-arrow
surfboard, but Ambrose leans into the ropes.
He catches Bryan and does shoulder rams in the corner. Bryan flips over on a whip and lands a
running lariat. Double-arm suplex
follows, and Bryan goes up top, but Rollins distracts him and Ambrose sends
Bryan to the barricade as we take a break.
We return with Ambrose still in control, punching away in the corner and
getting a Hammer Throw whip into the corner.
He taunts Bryan and repeats. But
the third time Bryan dodges and Ambrose goes into the post on the ensuing
charge. Bryan with the cross-corner
dropkick and repeated roundhouse kicks, then to the top for a Frankensteiner
for two. Yes Kicks follow, as Rollins
advises Ambrose to catch one, but instead Ambrose ducks the final one only to
get cradled for two. Yes Lock is
applied, but it’s 10:57 so Ambrose makes the ropes. I hate being a smart sometimes. Bryan kicks away in the corner again, but the
cross-corner dropkick misses and Ambrose rolls Bryan up with the tights for
two. Ambrose taunts Bryan some more and
goes ground and pound. Bryan is put up
top, but he sneaks out between Ambrose’s legs and puts him in the Tree of Woe
for more Yes Kicks and a NASTY cross-corner dropkick before following with a
belly-to-back superplex for two. Crowd
declares it Awesome. More kicking from
Bryan, but Ambrose dumps Bryan on a charge.
Reigns tries to spear Bryan, but he dodges. Rollins misses as well, so Ambrose gets a
Northern Lariat and DDT on the floor right in front of Big Show. Back in, it gets two. “Why don’t you stay down!? STAY DOWN! STAY DOWN!” Ambrose is rattled and gets off his game, so
he gets small packaged for the win at 14:09. *** Bryan sends Ambrose into
the Shield for good measure. Show and
Bryan lead a HUGE YES chant… and here’s Orton. Crowd is all “NOT AGAIN” but this time Bryan
dives onto Orton and begins attacking, only for Shield to follow. Sorry, did you think this week would be
different? Show has a chair and stalks
Shield, who freaks out. Now, a side
note: he’s allowed to touch Orton, right?
I know, me and my logic. Show
walks off dejected so that Orton and Shield can give us the same ending as the
last bajillion weeks. Orton taunts Show
in particular before giving Bryan the RKO.
Show walks away as HHH and Stephanie come out and tell him to KO Punch
Bryan AGAIN. Good grief, a rerun? Really?
After a lot of stalling, Orton gets in Show’s face. Orton holds Bryan up, which is asking for a
mistake to happen. But nothing
happens. Show wants to refuse, and now
Orton is yelling at Show. But all the
stalling allows Bryan to deliver the flying knee to Orton and celebrate with
the title. FINALLY! A hope spot!
WHAT TOOK SO LONG?
event: Dean Ambrose v. Daniel Bryan. As
noted earlier, Rollins and Reigns are in Ambrose’s corner, and Big Show will be
in Bryan’s corner but can’t interfere. Ironclad
contracts aren’t worth the paper they’re printed on, are they? Bryan pounds away on Ambrose to start, but
Ambrose reverses and rubs a forearm in his face. Ambrose works on Bryan in the corner, but
Bryan reverses with kicks, causing Ambrose to bail as we focus on Big Show at
ringside. Shield huddles up and
surrounds Bryan, but a distraction fails and Bryan with a knee to the gut. Bryan with a snapmare and kick to the back,
twice over, and a kneedrop gets one.
Ambrose runs over Bryan, but gets caught with a drop toehold. Bryan stomps the arm and elbow, working the
arm into a chickenwing. Gorilla Monsoon
would say he’s working the sub-scapular area.
Now Bryan works both arms into a bizarre pinning predicament for
one. Bryan goes to a bow-and-arrow
surfboard, but Ambrose leans into the ropes.
He catches Bryan and does shoulder rams in the corner. Bryan flips over on a whip and lands a
running lariat. Double-arm suplex
follows, and Bryan goes up top, but Rollins distracts him and Ambrose sends
Bryan to the barricade as we take a break.
We return with Ambrose still in control, punching away in the corner and
getting a Hammer Throw whip into the corner.
He taunts Bryan and repeats. But
the third time Bryan dodges and Ambrose goes into the post on the ensuing
charge. Bryan with the cross-corner
dropkick and repeated roundhouse kicks, then to the top for a Frankensteiner
for two. Yes Kicks follow, as Rollins
advises Ambrose to catch one, but instead Ambrose ducks the final one only to
get cradled for two. Yes Lock is
applied, but it’s 10:57 so Ambrose makes the ropes. I hate being a smart sometimes. Bryan kicks away in the corner again, but the
cross-corner dropkick misses and Ambrose rolls Bryan up with the tights for
two. Ambrose taunts Bryan some more and
goes ground and pound. Bryan is put up
top, but he sneaks out between Ambrose’s legs and puts him in the Tree of Woe
for more Yes Kicks and a NASTY cross-corner dropkick before following with a
belly-to-back superplex for two. Crowd
declares it Awesome. More kicking from
Bryan, but Ambrose dumps Bryan on a charge.
Reigns tries to spear Bryan, but he dodges. Rollins misses as well, so Ambrose gets a
Northern Lariat and DDT on the floor right in front of Big Show. Back in, it gets two. “Why don’t you stay down!? STAY DOWN! STAY DOWN!” Ambrose is rattled and gets off his game, so
he gets small packaged for the win at 14:09. *** Bryan sends Ambrose into
the Shield for good measure. Show and
Bryan lead a HUGE YES chant… and here’s Orton. Crowd is all “NOT AGAIN” but this time Bryan
dives onto Orton and begins attacking, only for Shield to follow. Sorry, did you think this week would be
different? Show has a chair and stalks
Shield, who freaks out. Now, a side
note: he’s allowed to touch Orton, right?
I know, me and my logic. Show
walks off dejected so that Orton and Shield can give us the same ending as the
last bajillion weeks. Orton taunts Show
in particular before giving Bryan the RKO.
Show walks away as HHH and Stephanie come out and tell him to KO Punch
Bryan AGAIN. Good grief, a rerun? Really?
After a lot of stalling, Orton gets in Show’s face. Orton holds Bryan up, which is asking for a
mistake to happen. But nothing
happens. Show wants to refuse, and now
Orton is yelling at Show. But all the
stalling allows Bryan to deliver the flying knee to Orton and celebrate with
the title. FINALLY! A hope spot!
WHAT TOOK SO LONG?
FINAL
THOUGHTS:
THOUGHTS:
Well, as you
can see, they had ME fooled.
can see, they had ME fooled.
You know, it
doesn’t take much to make me happy about a story. I wanted to know that Bryan was going to be
allowed to have a chance. Now, I see him
appear to have a chance. He gets one
over on Randy Orton, and all it took was a way for him to win.
doesn’t take much to make me happy about a story. I wanted to know that Bryan was going to be
allowed to have a chance. Now, I see him
appear to have a chance. He gets one
over on Randy Orton, and all it took was a way for him to win.
We see the
formula today: if Orton can’t put Bryan away right away, he’ll be frustrated,
and no one capitalizes on frustration like Daniel Bryan. That’s the key. Now there’s a glimmer of hope. Daniel Bryan doesn’t have to beat Orton
pillar to post in order to win. All he
has to do is survive the flurry from Orton and the Shield, not get RKO’d
(because that move is right now invincible), and then catch Orton with a moment
of brilliance.
formula today: if Orton can’t put Bryan away right away, he’ll be frustrated,
and no one capitalizes on frustration like Daniel Bryan. That’s the key. Now there’s a glimmer of hope. Daniel Bryan doesn’t have to beat Orton
pillar to post in order to win. All he
has to do is survive the flurry from Orton and the Shield, not get RKO’d
(because that move is right now invincible), and then catch Orton with a moment
of brilliance.
But now, the
rant: why did they wait this long? They
had two Raws between the first one (which Orton had to come out on top of) and
this one to prove that Bryan had a chance.
One of you hypothesized that the Raws that don’t bookend PPVs are phoned
in, and if that’s so, it’s a wasted opportunity. They need to do better pacing and do better
with building up both sides. That’s true
50/50 booking, not trading wins.
rant: why did they wait this long? They
had two Raws between the first one (which Orton had to come out on top of) and
this one to prove that Bryan had a chance.
One of you hypothesized that the Raws that don’t bookend PPVs are phoned
in, and if that’s so, it’s a wasted opportunity. They need to do better pacing and do better
with building up both sides. That’s true
50/50 booking, not trading wins.
It’s being
done cheaply in RVD/ADR (sorry, but the “non-title win leads to title shot”
story is overused), and Axel is so far buried that if he doesn’t win he might
as well be cut. The Divas’ match has its
own issues (heel AJ is being a brat, but if we watch Total Divas we’d be
watching her challengers being brats and we don’t know who the good girl
is). The Tag Team Turmoil is a
throwaway, which disappoints me.
done cheaply in RVD/ADR (sorry, but the “non-title win leads to title shot”
story is overused), and Axel is so far buried that if he doesn’t win he might
as well be cut. The Divas’ match has its
own issues (heel AJ is being a brat, but if we watch Total Divas we’d be
watching her challengers being brats and we don’t know who the good girl
is). The Tag Team Turmoil is a
throwaway, which disappoints me.
But this
show is being sold on two matches: Punk/Axel and Bryan/Orton. Here’s hoping it works.
show is being sold on two matches: Punk/Axel and Bryan/Orton. Here’s hoping it works.
My
predictions:
predictions:
* Prime Time
Players win Tag Team Turmoil and fall to the Shield.
Players win Tag Team Turmoil and fall to the Shield.
* Dolph
Ziggler is named Ambrose’s challenger, but Ambrose retains.
Ziggler is named Ambrose’s challenger, but Ambrose retains.
* Curtis
Axel pins CM Punk after Punk gets too obsessed with Heyman.
Axel pins CM Punk after Punk gets too obsessed with Heyman.
* Natalya
pins AJ to win the Divas’ Title.
pins AJ to win the Divas’ Title.
* Del Rio
retains over RVD.
retains over RVD.
* Bryan
beats Orton by disqualification when the Shield interfere. Big Show cleans house.
beats Orton by disqualification when the Shield interfere. Big Show cleans house.
STATS:
MATCH TIME: 55:52
over nine matches
over nine matches
BEST MATCH:
Orton/Goldust
Orton/Goldust
WORST MATCH:
Kingston/Axel
Kingston/Axel
NIGHT MVP
(kayfabe): Is it Daniel Bryan? You know
the answer.
(kayfabe): Is it Daniel Bryan? You know
the answer.
FINAL SCORE:
8. Two very good TV matches in
Orton/Goldust and Bryan/Ambrose combine with a great subversion of what we’d
come to expect. Throw in Cesaro/Santino
as a fun short match and I can’t say anything but it was a good show.
8. Two very good TV matches in
Orton/Goldust and Bryan/Ambrose combine with a great subversion of what we’d
come to expect. Throw in Cesaro/Santino
as a fun short match and I can’t say anything but it was a good show.
Stay tuned
for the post-game with Mike Mears and Scott Keith’s highlight rant. If you’re still reading, thank you. See you after Night of Champions!
for the post-game with Mike Mears and Scott Keith’s highlight rant. If you’re still reading, thank you. See you after Night of Champions!
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