I Have Issues (10)

This is a follow-up to Identity Crisis which I did in I Have Issues # 8. If you haven’t read that one you might want to so that this will make more sense.

J’onn J’onzz (Martian Manhunter) is visiting his home planet of Mars. The planet is dead, his whole race wiped out by a psychokenitic plague many years before. This planet used to be his home, but now he only has one home, it’s from here we transition to the JLA watchtower and a near brawl about to break out with the members Hawkman and Green Arrow. They used to be friends but no longer as the secret of this team is erroding away at the core of what they stand for. Wally West (Flash III) comments that the only reason he called them all here was to let them know that he is going to tell Batman what the group has been doing and what they did to him. J’onzz shows up and asks, “what are they going to tell Batman?” Wally replies that all he has to do is read their minds. J’onzz replies that he can’t, it’s then they all look at Zatanna. Hal Jordan (Green Lantern) shows up and replies that they need to get everything out in the open and that he is there at Wally’s request. (This was after Hal Returned but was still looked upon as a mass murderer by some Leaguers due to his time as Parallax.) Carter Hall (Hawkman) and Hal continue to debate the merits of airing the Leagues dirty laundry. J’onzz getting a little impatient again asks, “what did they do?” Hawkman attempts to leave and Hal creates a green barricade on the door. Hal explains that back when the Society of Super-Villians switched identities with the League and they knew who their secret identities were, they had Zatanna use her magic to erase the Societies memories. Then after Dr. Light raped Sue Dibny they went to more extreme measures, mainly changing his personality. Green Arrow points out that they lobotomized him. Zatanna admits that she erased Batman and J’onzz memory and then set up the magical block so that he would not pick up stray thoughts from them. Carter then points out that if he had known it was going to be this big of a “thing” then he would have just killed Dr. Light. (Would anyone have blamed him?) Wally reiterates that they need to let Batman know what they did, J’onzz does a quick mind scan and then replies that, Batman already knows.

Martian Manhunter says that it will take him a few minutes to wake up the rest of the League, Batman replies, “you’ve got one.” (Stupid ass villians. They couldn’t just throw the league in a construct that could hold them, or even just leave them where they were. No they had to make a big show and bring the team with them. Think they are gonna be sorry about this decision here in a few minutes?) Catwoman jumps in grabbing Firefly’s flame thrower and starts spraying the villians, while Batman pulls J’onn back to avoid the flames. Catwoman then asks if this makes her a member? (Apparently she forgot that she was already a member back in JLA 17 when she saved the League from Prometheus by whipping him in the nutsack.)

Ollie pulls the sheild out of Hawkmans shoulder and Chronos shows up and makes the time bomb arrow in Queen’s quiver go off. Zatanna and J’onn are on bystander duty as they trie to keep the collarater damage for hurting anyone. The Wizard taunts the pair and Zatanna points out that he is a lame ass magician. Faust emerges with a black cat in hand and ready to sacrifice it to cast a spell. Selina takes exception to this and scratches Faust who in turn cuts her and uses her blood to finish the spell. Before he can conjure anything Manhunter blasts the pentagram of blood underneath Faust’s feet, “no more magic today.” commands J’onn (so I guess Zatanna is done for the day?) Faust says, “one last trick.” and then makes the villains disappear. (My major complaint of Geoff Johns is his diminishing the roles of Kyle Rayner and Wally West in the DC universe. I read a load of Flash and Green Lantern issues during my high school and early 20’s that built up these two characters and unlike Bruce Wayne who IS Batman and Clark Kent who IS Superman, the Flash, Green Lantern and Green Arrow were characters that could be replaced by others. Hell, Jordan and Allen weren’t even the first ones to carry the mantle of said characters. Not to mention both characters death’s were so iconic that bringing them back diminished even the characters themselves in my opinion. That rant having been made, I must say Johns along with James Robinson are the masters of bringing old school style into the modern age of comics. This battle was like every old school Saturday morning cartoon battle. No serious damage dealt and everyone got their moments in. Done all the time this becomes hokey but I really enjoyed this old school battle.) With the Villains gone Dinah asks Zatanna what the symbol Faust left on the ground is. Zatanna answers that it’s the eye of truth, the Third eye. (Insert dirty joke here.) While the heroes are picking up the pieces, Batman and Catwoman exit stage left.

In the Batcave Catwoman is on the table and Alfred is attending to her wounds. Batman tell’s alfred to prepare the spare bedroom and then J’onn appears and tells Bruce that they need to talk. Bruce mentions that they have nothing to talk about. The next page has the rest of the league looking somber and Jo’nn saying, “Then Listen!” Zatanna steps forward and takes full responsibility and tells Bat’s that will do anything in her power to make it right between them. Bruce tells her that she can leave. Ollie says that with the Society having their memories back they have to stick together. Dinah tells Bruce they need him. Batman mentions they didn’t need him when they lobotomized Light or Faust or anyone else they violated. Carter makes the argument that all they took from Bruce was ten minutes of his life and that the move was to save Sue, Ralph and who knows who else. He asks him if his ten minutes was more important or his friends? Next page we get Batman decking Hawkman and yelling, “My friends would never have done that to me.” (Kind of hypocritical of Bruce when it’s revealed during the OMAC mini series that he had a whole network set up to take down all the heroes if they were ever to get out of line. But that’s Batman for you, he’s kind of an asshole.) 

Hal steps in and stops the fight that everyone would love to see, and Batman leaves everyone in disgust. It’s then heroes break to guard their loved ones for the attacks that are sure to come form the Society who knows who their secret identities are again. As J’onn heads back to the satellite he finds someone sitting in his chair. It’s someone who claims that they have everything to do with getting the society back their stolen memories… Despero.

                     And on the day the term “Epic Fail” was created we looked on in wonder.

Hawkman, GL, Ollie, Dinah and Zee show up to lend a hand as Sapphire knocks the giant Daily Planet… uh planet off the top of the building. Hal slams the golden globe into Sapphire knocking her for a loop. The Floronic Man curls his branches around Jordan but is shot with ice arrows by Ollie. On the next page we get Hawkman fighting a pterodactyl, oh did I fail to mention that one of the villians summoned pterodactyl’s. The panel isn’t explicit as to who, but I’m guessing Chronos brought some from the past. (Seriously you have the ability to mess with time and bring anything from the past and you bring pterodactyl’s. I would bring like five Doomsdays from several different times and drop them in Metropolis then just head down to Starbucks and watch the heroes get their asses kicked, but hey no one ever said the villains were smart. 

                                                                Pictured, PAIN!

Also think about the poor pterodactyl’s who were just minding their own business and then suddenly a guy in a Hawk costume is trying to rip open your mouth and smacking you in the head with a mace. I’m not sure if PETA extends to dinosaurs and creatures that are already extinct but just because you have a guy in a bird costume doing the damage I’m not sure that would “fly” with them.) Dinah sonic screams at Chronos and Matter Master while the Wizard is attempting to destroy the base of the Daily Planet. The Flash tackles the Wizard and Faust blasts Supes into a wall claiming he has summoned the rays of Kryptons red sun. It’s then Zatanna steps in and cast a stop spell on Faust and then decks him. Superman pulls himself to his feet and wonders how they knew he was Clark, to which Z responds, that they need to talk. After a brief explanation as to what is going on the heroes find themselves at the same crossroads as years ago, they have villains who know their secret identities so what do they do. Hawkman tells them it is going to come down to a vote again.

                                                              ahhh memories.

Back to the comic at hand as Arthur brings Despero back to the surface and with a combined assualt of psychic powers the two Leaguers attack Despero and the battle must continue!

 Then the rest of the mind-controlled League appears ready to make scrap metal of Red while Despero continues trying to submit Superman. Then Zatanna appears and commands Despero to stop, well she says it backwards anyway. Zee then free’s the rest of the League and then says that she is going to fix everything and leaves in a puff of pink smoke. The League then admits that maybe it’s best if they spend some time apart (I’ve heard that one before it really means they just want to see someone else. Bitch!) The team splits mostly amicably leaving just J’onn and Superman to rebuild the league while the rest of the team takes Despero to OA for containment.

Bruce in his own way is in love with Selina and feels that Selina is in love with him, or was it just cause she was made docile like the rest of the Society. Bruce doesen’t know if she really loves him or if she is just not herself after being lobotomized. (Yet another missed storyline opportunity, though it was cool they even thought of this as being his motivation.)

Also prayers to Jerry Lawler, get well soon King!